The Results are in

 So the final days of my 30 day project is done.

 I lost a total of 10.3 pounds.

I worked out at least 5 days a week for 30 minutes and stayed under a 1400 calorie diet. It was not too hard. I really found things to eat I enjoyed that were not high in calories.

The next question is "Am I happy with my body currently?". I have to say I am not. I happy with the progress so far and I see and feel I can do it but I am pretty far from what I want to see. I want to feel even better than I do. I want to not have to shop around my body type so closely like I do now. I want to have the energy to run my 3miles without feeling like I "need" to stop. I want to keep going and feel great after. All of these are totally doable and so here I am at the beginning of 30 with a great jumping off point. As a famous quote says from a famous movie I have viewed at least 90 times "To infinity and Beyond". Here I go.

I am currently weighing in at 153.3
My starting weight  163

How is it almost over?

Setting up my schedule for this upcoming week I can not believe that summer is over. That my little journey is over that I am almost 30. I know everyone says that with kids the years fly by but holy shit, its like warp speedand all you've been doing is wiping noises and asses the whole time.




 By the way this post is picture heavy with some pictures from our Lewisburg trip.
*Jude looking daper in his tux onesie
*The Dueling Fiddlers (they are amazing  check them out http://www.youtube.com   /watch?v=V9faviAyE6U )
 *Ravi and Adrian at the Doc family night (way past Adrians bedtime)
* In front of a giant clam at the Greenbriar casino
*Squeezing my best friends bubbies in her wedding dress
*Strolling in Lewisburg WV

This last week has tested my commitment to staying healthy and fit by our road trip to my husbands med school reunion. The trip was centered around a ton of food and alcohol as well as shopping but I never feel guilty shopping in excess, even though that would probably be a healthy diet as well. Downtown Lewisburg, WV has the best boutique shopping ever, yes, I said West Virginia.  It was odd because when we leave on trips I always think about what I'm going to eat and when and plan out the itinerary based on food. This was something I did not realize I did  and did with so much vigor. I love it, I love eating at new places and getting apps, salads, soups, entrees, desserts and specialty drinks. I love the experience of a new menu and talking about the food as if it were a child. "Your so amazing, yes you are, yes you are." I think about food a lot, I mean a lot. I don't know why I obsess over it the way I do but I realize know it has a power that I am strong enough to over come and that feels really good. Normally if I restrict myself all I can think is about what I am restricting. I have taken satisfaction in the control over my body instead of the lack of and finding pride and satisfaction in the way I can change my body due to my strong will and strength. Its a high and a good high unlike a cheese fry high which is short lived followed by slight nausea.

Yesterday I went with my best friend to try on wedding dresses and we had a great time and I felt okay trying on dresses and was happy to squeeze into an 8. I may not be able to sit down, will have to double Spanx but its doable. I want to look great at her wedding next to that hot bitch.


I have just a couple weeks left before I turn thirty and I feel I am on the right track to make a change that I really want. I want to celebrate and have a great time. I even bought a ridiculously expensive dress to rock out in.

This weekend I am headed to Chicago with just the hubby and we are meeting up with a fabulous group of friends. This group has been a rock for me during pregnancy and all that follows. I am looking forward to the fabulous restaurants we are planning to attend as well as the excessive drinking I am guiltily going to participate in. I hope I can do it with moderation and control but find of balance of enjoyment as well.



This week I am weighing in at 155.9
This is huge for me as its a vanity number for me. I can't wait to do my measurements and bikini pic in a couple weeks to show off the hard work, that is if Chicago doesn't blow it for me.

ooh, maybe its happening?

A few days ago while I was in menstrual hell I got on the scale in vain hope that maybe the numbers would be different just maybe. Instead those damn numbers where higher than last time and I knew why but it really broke me. I don't mean I was "Gosh darn lollipop" upset I was "Holy shit balls, I suck and I'm going to burn my house down" kind of upset.  It was an over reaction, if you will. I blame it on the lack of carbs and sugar for my irrational crying on the elliptical soon after. I felt like Charleston Heston in Planet of the Apes grabbing my belly fat with both hands and  yelling "Damn you, damn you to hell." I was upset, I was bummed that my meticulous counting calories, food scale using, exercising everyday, creative cooking ass was not losing well... any ass.  The next morning I get out of bed and head to the bathroom get ready for the day, look at the scale and give it the bird and when I return my husband leans up on one arm in bed and says so sincerely "your body is really changing, it really is taking shape. I can see your curves". Now this may seem offensive at first but I knew what he meant and man did that feel good. I later went on to put on some jeans for my sons soccer game.

Yes, jeans in August because the Earth shifted and it was like 40 degrees out, anyways the things were loose and I mean I had to constantly pull them up loose. My thighs still rub but my muffin top is shrinking Thank THE LORD. I took pride in the fact that  I was that embarrassing women you see, every time I bent over that day everyone saw my polka dot underwear. It meant I had lost something, not my dignity or self awareness for showing ass but a little fat around the middle and that is so much better than losing my mind on the scale for showing a number that cannot reflect my hard work paying off.

So what have I been eating:

Breakfast - I rotate through these
                          1 whole egg, 1 egg white black bean salsa omlette - 150 calories
                          Trader Joes Rolled oats 1 1/2 cup - 180 calories with 1 Tbls brown sugar

Lunch - Tuna with 1 Tbls Safflower mayo - 140 calories
                  Tom Yum soup with mushrooms - 2 cups 60calories
                  Sauteed veggies with coconut oil and hot peppers - 20 calories
                  Huge fruit bowl - 65 calories

 Snacks - Air pop popcorn spritzed with my NEW olive oil mister, sprinkled with  Nutritional yeast and a little salt and vinegar -
3 cups 110 calories

Baked apples sprinkled with cinnamon - 130 calories

 Baked Kale chips - 2 servings 25 calories ( I LOVE LOVE LOVE these)


                    Organic light cheese stick - 45  calories

                    Fruit - varies 20 to 50 calories
   
                    I will count out a serving of chocolate baking chips (don't judge me) - 70 calories

                   WATER, WATER, WATER. So many of those cravings go away with this.


Dinner - This is where I get most of my variety and never feel like I am going without. I                                simply choose a dish and make it skinnier.
                    Hamburgers no bun, no mayo smaller portion
                    Tacos, made with chicken and no oil, no shell , light cheese
                    Pasta - portions, portions, portions
                   Soup - No cream based, no pasta
                   Grilled chicken
                   Grilled every vegetable under the sun
                   Lemon as a main dressing
                   Many more, maybe I'll make a post dedicated to a week in it.

What have I been doing for exercise:

                Elliptical - a minimum of 40 minutes up to 60 minutes
               Abs: legs lifts, pelvic lifts and crunches, maybe a                couple of planks if I feel especially sadistic.
               Morning runs - 3 miles about 1/4 of that is walked.

I was reading a few articles this week and there seemed to be a reoccurring theme in most weight loss advice. This advice is simple but hard to swallow, at least for me. Skinny is done in the kitchen not in the gym. UGH! Its much easier to work out and eat like shit than to restrict and never work out for me. I am taking this advice to heart and going to do a better job with staying strictly within my 1300 calorie diet and hope it truly works. I have my husbands 10 year medical school  reunion this week and I want to rock out my tight dress for the dinner/dancing thing on Saturday. Wish me luck.
              
               

I need a mommy too and the thigh rub story.

Every single day I give my children pearls of wisdom so that they will keep them for a life time. Every day I repeat myself so they don't forget these important  lessons, these house rules, these characteristics I so badly want them to have in their lives.
After I decided to buckle down and get on the fit train for 30 days before I turn thirty I started to go over what I can and cannot do daily and what "rules" I need to set for myself. I even wrote them down and bought a book (picture below)

 I really have valued during this time. So my list was so simple, it was the same things I have been harping at my children about but have conveniently forgotten to do. I am the living hypocrite of "do what I say not what I do". How can I have them listen, if the rules do not apply to me as well, their adult role model in life?

MY HOUSE RULES I REPEAT REPEATEDLY EVERYDAY:
 "No juice you need more water."
"No more sugar you had enough already."
"No snacking before meals, you'll fill up on the wrong thing."
"You can have dessert if you eat everything at a dinner first so you don't eat too much sugar."
"Go play outside if your bored."
"No, you cannot stay up later, you will have no energy tomorrow."
"No you cannot have a snake this late, its almost bedtime."

These are all awesome life rules that I somehow remember to pass on but don't value enough to follow. I mean really, what the hell? I drink more sweet juices and teas than I need, I obsess over candy but always unwrap it very carefully so their superhero ears don't hear the wrapper. I snack constantly while making dinner and then still eat a large portion, its just unnecessary calories, I eat dessert even if I didn't fill up on protein or veggies first. I don't go outside to play or exercise near enough. I will stay up later than I need to, just to have time to myself. I snack late at night as comfort and a wind down routine which is becoming very dangerous.

If I followed my own rules I would be in a much better place. So my goal for this week as well as last is to stop and follow my "rules'. I wish I had a super nanny or mommy following me around telling me to "stop it", or "put that down", but that is life and we have to grow up and leave the nest to sink or swim. These rules could make all the difference. My kids will also be glad that I am "suffering" as they call it with them.

 The infamous thigh rub story following up to my desire for the thigh gap.

It never concerned me before but then came our trip to the Mexican Riveria. We were walking on the shoreline about 2 miles and the waves were crashing up on our legs and with that water is a mixture of sand. After awhile my inner thighs were irritated and I kept stopping to rinse them off as best I could but the water kept spraying on us with sand and it became unbearably painful with each step that my thighs rubbed together just scratching me  by the time we got back to the resort I have rubbed my inner thigh raw ans bloody. This is not an exaggeration for good story telling it was bloody, like put a washcloth on it and blood on the washcloth kind of injury.. A couple days later they started to heal and scab in these depressing little scratch marks from vag to mid thigh. I could not believe I had gotten to the point of where my FAT literally injured me and I hadn't noticed the weight gain before this point. This is a humiliating story for me to tell. I really feel like I am the only one this has ever happened too, I have never heard of a story like it but I'm sure it has happened before. So this is the story of why I want so badly a thigh gap like I used to have and the courage to brave the ocean with no fear. 

Now on to less bloody posting.

Current weight-158.6
 Its period week or I at least hope to God it is and I really hope a couple pounds are some extra water weight. It is hard not to feel discouraged of staying under my calorie allotment everyday and working out and not seeing progress. I have been doing incline and a ton of situps so it is very possible that I have replaced some fat weight with muscle weight. This is one reason I F***ing hate the scale. That damn number messes with my head.
Also I love my flip flop tan line and I miss them when they are gone for winter. Yes, I know that is a weird thing to love.

Thigh gap pretty pretty please

I have mentioned before that I never fully committed to a  diet/fitness plan before as I always started strong and it fizzled out in less than a week. This week I stuck to it, everyday, all day and I feel really accomplished.I have been tracking my calories and fitness on LIVESTRONG.COM. I have stayed under my allotted calorie intake except one day where a Laffy Taffy put me over during a drive in movie and it was technically 12:30 am so I am not sure where I should have put those calories. I am sticking to a 1639calorie diet and it is not hard at all. I busted out my food scale and was shocked to see I have been eating close to 4x a portion serving. Even if it was a healthy meal, its quickly quits becoming as such when its consumed in such a large portion.

I wasn't starving, I had almost no cravings and I was not tired from the calorie restriction. I survived and survived quite well. I exercised everyday but Sunday and I was not sore or dreading it. I changed it up between running, Pilates, swimming and Just dance 3 with the kids. Speaking of Just Dance, this is a game that gives you false confidence in your dancing ability. I feel like Beyonce but probably look like Elaine from Seinfeld.

Our family went to Cedar point Monday and Tuesday and it was a good feeling to know I had walked almost 8 miles a day and did not feel the urge to binge on crap food.

I have been asked what my weight goal is and I felt odd thinking about it for the first time as I really don't have one. There is not a magic number I am hoping to see, a pair of jeans I want to wear or a highly age inappropriate dress I want to slink into. My goal may or may not be realistic but its the only one I can think of is I want a thigh gap. I know some believe this is reserved for a 12-17 year old but I desperately seek one. I will expand upon why I want a thigh gap in a future post in more detail. This may be a fantasy and I will come to terms if I start realizing this is out of the question but I really am going to try damn hard to get it. My other goal includes getting back to this.

Add caption

THIS is after 2 kids so it is possible.






Current weight- 158.7 
Total loss so far- 5pounds roughly

Where the hell is my "click"?

I have read and watched enough weight loss stories to fill many Krispy Kreme boxes yet hearing all of them have not made me have this AHA! moment. Every story starts very much the same as if they all had a secret conference and conspired to have this united statement as well as hiding this personal invitation to this "click"moment, you know what I'm talking about. How is it all these people have had this thing just "CLICK" inside of them that says "Enough fucking about lets get on the straight and narrow.". Apparently this thing is so strong it overwhelms you and you just have to follow it, so you start eating tuna out of the can, steaming broccoli and before you know it your standing in one leg of your old fat pants. Well, damn it all, I want my "CLICK", I want the overwhelming sense of enough is enough and get on the ball. I don't want my click to be when I can't bend over to pick up my kids or stop for breath on the stairs or someone asking me how far along I am to get it either. I want it now!

 For now I am fighting an uphill battle of doing it alone. If I am not going to have some Ghandi revelation then I will make my own. I am doing this 30 day thing staring down the barrel of thirty. Its not easy and I don't really want to but I do (if that makes any sense). So to help me do this I employed my husband to be my "bitch in the corner". I am not the person that prefers to be treated with kid gloves and told politely that if I just take little baby steps it will change. I know that is not true. I need a good kick in the ass to do...well anything. I asked my darling husband Ravi to give it to me straight, to be rude and to kick my ass out of bed literally if and when I need it. I need and want to be told "What are you doing eating that?" or "You better get a run in before the kids wake up, so get up NOW.". He is my Jillian Michaels, who by the way I love to hate. I curse at her during her workouts and would love to punch her right on her abs of Jesus. He gave me the side eye at first like "Dear Lord this is a trap, I just know it.". I reassured him I would not throat punch him if he took Ben and Jerry's out of my hand.

Day 2 is going strong. I have not had any food temptations and even trouble eating enough calories. I am trying to attain 1,639 calories a day. I filled up on crab meat, vegetables, thai noodles, oatmeal, a slice of cheese and copious amounts of water.I have to make sure I do eat enough solely for the fact that I am still breastfeeding my 9 month old and I will not sacrifice that for getting in shape.


Day one- I ran 3 miles in the morning and I wanted to do abs but did not.
Day two- Thirty day shred workout level one, walked 3 miles with the kids in the stroller.

It begins.

I have been gearing up to write this first post for a little more than a week now. I have so much swimming around in my head I am not really sure where to start but I suppose the premise of this whole blog and journey is a good start.
A little over a week ago I was simply marking some dates on the calendar when I realized that my birthday is really close and not any birthday but my 30th birthday is really close September 8th to be exact. I was thinking, "God I have done so many things in thirty years"; moved over 13 times with my parents growing up, college, marriage, had a baby, gained +10 pounds afterwards, divorced, met the wrong guy (the really wrong guy), had another baby, gained weight, left really wrong guy, lost -10 pounds, got married, had baby number 3, gained weight, had baby number 4, gained weight and now here comes thirty. That was exhausting just typing it out. Whew!

So after seeing and going over failures, successes, trials, joys and such I realized one common thing that I have started and stopped more times than I can count. I have always been active with athletics or going hard core at the gym but it is always short lived. I am the prime example of all things yo-yo. So right now I am committing to this health and fitness thing for 30 days with no break, no stopping. This may seem like a short goal but to me its huge because I know what I can accomplish in just 30 days if I tried. So many years I have said "I will" after: vacation, school, baby, this weekend, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (I have never said I will on a Saturday or Sunday that is just crazy), when my new shoes come in the mail, after I find non bunching underwear, after I revamp my Ipod list. I could go on and on but it was always the same "I will" and then I never did and after awhile, like right now that is really hurting my psyche and second guessing my commitment and general strength. I look back and I think well "damn it" if I had just stuck to it I would already be at my goal and that is a really depressing thought while shoving my fupa in my yoga pants.

This blog and 30 day journey is my "I'm doing it", my middle finger to doubt and my commitment to myself after putting me on the back burner for quite a while now.

So here are the stats and GASP my starting body pics which I will be documenting week by week.
A note on the pictures. The bikini I am wearing I dug out of the dusty under belly of my swimsuit drawer. This particular bathing suit I distinctly remember buying kind of how you remember the birth of your kids, your first kiss, the smell of your first car. Okay, maybe not so dramatic but none the less it was a sticky memory if you will. I remember I bought it at Pacific Sunwear (which I shutter to think about going in now with my ass) with two close friends. I tried it on and came out and they all loved it and of course did the obligatory friend envy statements with "ooh" and "ahhs", it made me feel good, I looked good. I was confident. I wasn't hiding my belly when I sat down, refusing to be on top during sex, or searching through the closet to find flattering items. I want to get there again mainly because it IS attainable.

BMI- 25.5 Just slightly into overweight but its a slippery slope after this mark. BMI caculator 
Height- 5'7"
Weight- 163 pounds
L arm- 10.5"
R arm- 11"
Hips- 40"
Waist- 30"
Bust- 36.5"
L thigh- 22.5"
R thigh- 23"

I will keep posting. Please ask any questions you have and link up your blog.